Hi,
I turned 27 last weekend (on August 30). It's been a wild, surreal and memorable set of days for me. Tried to jot down some thoughts around it.
This is an essay that captures why I am okay with growing older.
For the past five years I've had a personal ritual of sorts of publishing something on my birthday. I am late in that sense. I did have a different idea for a video, and I hope to make that someday.
But for now, I think this will do.
Give it a read !
I.
One of my favourite lines, quotes, passages etc. I’ve ever come across in a book is the opening acknowledgement in The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.
“I will dedicate the book to the child whom this grown-up used to be, once upon a time. All grown-ups started off as children (though few of them remember). So I hereby correct my dedication:
To Léon Werth when he was a little boy.”
All grown-ups started off as children (though few of them remember).
I think about this a lot.
And I definitely thought about these lines on my birthday yesterday.
I turned 27 and celebrated my birthday by organizing a games night. The day before that I spent time with my family and my wonderful 1.5 year old niece.
I don’t know much about my future or growing older.
But the one thing that is clear to me about growing older is: to continue to remember and protect the childlike wonder, sense of joy & play, and the capacity to experience awe - that I had when I was young. That my niece currently has, by default.
Growing older for me is to not forget that I too was a child.
II.
Many people have asked me how I think about turning older. How I feel about 27?
I am older.
Life is definitely not getting easier or anything. You can’t put things on hold. Everything happens all at once. There are no days where you can just bunk life. Or not show up.
I don’t know how my life is going to look like in the future, or if I’m in the right career, or if I’m on the “best” path available to me or what other harsher responsibilities the universe is going to put my way.
So, growing older kind of feels like it should suck.
All of this is true.
But the truth is also that – personally, I like growing older.
I think with each year, I’m learning more about myself and also feeling more and more comfortable in my own skin. In a weird way, growing older is more freeing and not less.
There’s a Hank Green quote which I really like and also keep revisiting from time to time, because it gets me to pause and reflect:
You don't have any obligation to your former self. There's no loyalty to them. There's no loyalty to a desire you once had.
So if you look around the room, none of these people can you say you are smarter than. Not just because that would be a really dicky thing to say but also because like intelligence is very tricky to measure and there are lots of different types of intelligence, and human brains are complicated.
But there is one person I can say objectively that I am smarter than and it is me four years ago because that guy knew less than I did.
He knew like all the things that I currently know except less and he had all the life experiences that I currently have except fewer.
So why do I have an obligation to a guy who not only is dumber than me but literally does not exist.”
I don’t know how life will look like in the future.
I just think that with each passing year – I deal with more challenges, make more memories, and grow just a little bit more intelligent than my older self.
That’s the good thing about growing older.
I am less dumb.
I think.
And that is good enough.
III.
Yesterday was the first time I’ve hosted a proper birthday party type thing in at least a decade.
Maybe when I was younger – my family would’ve organized something. I remember I definitely took my friends to McDonalds for a birthday treat around the age of 13/14. That is maybe the closest.
But, for the past decade, I’ve never exactly celebrated my birthday. And, I didn’t really care so much about my birthdays.
My birthdays are quiet. Reflective sometimes. I try to write and journal something. Mostly, I would try to do things I would normally do. I would consciously tell myself that this is just like any other day. It isn’t important.
This has of course changed a little in the past few years.
Five years back, I made Time Capsule | Ft. Some Thoughts on Birthdays
This was during the pandemic. I recorded about what I thought about birthdays and made a reminder to my future self:
I am also recording this as a reminder for my future self, that birthdays are a celebration of our continued existence in this world and in the worlds of those you care about. It is arbitrary and repetitive. I will have a birthday next year, and the year after that and the year after that.
But, I think, maybe just maybe it is worth making a fuss about our existence at least once a year and look at the silver lining.
The past two days reminded me of this shared, intertwined and continued existence.
My birthday is special.
I received caring gifts and heartfelt wishes.
I got to celebrate my birthday with an incredible group of friends and family.
We celebrated in my own space.
And I did it by doing the things I have always loved as a child: board games and video games (also Masala Puri).
It felt surreal, and magical.
I’m so grateful.
IV.
I think I am quite a lucky person.
This is the other thing about growing older that I keep coming back to.
I am really lucky.
I’ve been blessed by some brilliant bonds with people.
It is something I want to continue to nurture and cherish.
V.
I am also reminded of this quote by the other Green brother:
“You can't see the future coming--not the terrors, for sure, but you also can't see the wonders that are coming, the moments of light-soaked joy that await each of us.”
I am looking forward to the coming year.
To the terrors, yes.
But also the moments of light-soaked joy that await me.
What do you think about growing older?
Let me know.
Take care,
Nirmal Bhansali