Messages from the Past
Messages from the Past
Time travelling with WhatsApp archives
Hi,
I hoard WhatsApp chats. I don’t delete them. I try making sure I always have a backup of WhatsApp. I don’t go read old chats often.
But sometimes, I do.
And going back through your old messages is such a revelatory experience. There are so many forgotten things that come up, and you feel a rush of mixed emotions just looking at past chats.
This happened to me a few weeks ago and I've been thinking about the deep history that WhatsApp stores of our lives. Decided to share some of my thoughts.
The WhatsApp group with my friends suddenly started blowing up with notifications a few weeks back. It was just one of those random days. You’re busy at work but the forces of the universe are at play, and the once silent group suddenly starts bursting with messages.
Till date, particularly after graduation as we live our separate lives—whenever this surge happens. I know I’m going to have a good day.
These messages are old pictures from our college days. Everyone is trying to find the worst ones they have of each other. It is a competition.
I’m going through my archives. Looking for a message/photo which will elicit a reaction from my friends.
We are sharing glimpses from our lives. They are glimpses now.
But we lived in them a while back.
Soon, we are not just sharing old photos. We are also looking at older threads of messages from our group chat. Inside jokes and stories that I had completely forgotten about start to resurface.
I remember that week being tough. There was a crippling sense of stagnation and confusion about what I will do in the coming year.
And the group chat coming alive gave me some solace.
After our midday rush of messages, I decided to go through the archives of some other WhatsApp chats and wow, it was quite a ride. Looking at past messages evoke a myriad of emotions.
One of my first thoughts was cringe. Is that really how we were?
Then you start feeling a sense of loss for the person you were once and the memories you can’t go back to.
Sometimes, old chats are like a graveyard. They are remnants of all those conversations that never went anywhere. Messages which show the spark of a friendship only for it to fizzle away and die. Relationships that have come to an end. Texts that highlight the many things you’ve had to let go as you grow up.
I also saw a lot of moments where I expressed vulnerability through words in a group chat. I told my friends how I felt about grief and loss, after losing someone in the family a few years back. There were some other harsh moments from my past that I could see. The messages reminded me of memories I had locked away.
One of the recurring themes and challenges of growing up is when there are days where my mind randomly starts telling me about how I “haven’t achieved a lot” or that I haven’t had a lot of “experiences in life” or that I should be “doing more”.
When our group chat lit up two weeks ago, I was in that state. I felt stuck.
And I’m glad I took this trip down memory lane. These WhatsApp texts reveal a rich history of my life.
One of the many group chats I share with my friends is called ‘Weird things we’ve heard’, and the focus is to share the most random, quirky, funny and absurd things we’ve heard people say around us. Without any context.
So, whenever I revisit messages from this group, they inevitably make me laugh. Like so many other older messages.
Yes, revisiting old messages opens up a can of worms. Yes, I was vulnerable but I think I formed some of my best friendships by expressing that vulnerability. There were difficult moments, and I found support to get by. In moments of weakness, I found kindness. In moments of loss, I found solace. In moments of deep confusion, I found clarity. We laughed despite the hard times. We found joy, where there wasn’t any.
My mind is lying to me when it says that I am “stagnant”. My life hasn’t been “stuck”.
The texts reveal a life lived together and the many memories I’ve been a part of over years. They are hard evidence of the adventure I’ve had.
There is this quote by Gabrielle Zevine in ‘Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow’ that I really like:
“This is what time travel is. It’s looking at a person, and seeing them in the present and the past, concurrently. And that mode of transport only worked with those one had known for a significant time.”
I think looking at your past messages is also an act of time travel. You can’t forget the unpleasant moments, but it is also not possible to ignore the remarkable progress you’ve made all this while. The messages shed light on your past, but with the lens of the present. More importantly, these old chats force you to be hopeful about the future. As John Green says:
“This me who was 20 could not know the joys or indeed the sorrows of the current me. And I find it helpful to look at pictures if only because they remind me that the current me cannot see the bad times that are coming-but also cannot see the moments of light-soaked joy that are in my future.”
How do you feel when you go through old messages? Are there any weird groups you’re a part of? Let me know !
Take care,
Nirmal Bhansali