A catalogue of thoughts while attending friends’ weddings
As a serial wedding attendee, I have observations about my friends' weddings
Hi,
I am a serial wedding attendee.
In the last few years, with every wedding, I experience a degree of sentimentality which has surprised me a little bit.
This is a piece about that emotional state, but also all the other thoughts I have had while attending my friends’ weddings.
Give it a read !
Also, Curiousect is back ! As a promise to myself, I will be publishing one thing every month. An essay, a review, a video, a podcast. Something. But once a month at the bare minimum.
If I don’t, you can call me out. I’ll owe you.
1.
For the last few weddings I’ve attended, I’ve teared up at each one of them. Kind of feels like with each wedding I attend for a friend, I give myself the permission to get a little bit more sentimental. To not hold the emotions in, but to let them flow.
Over the last 2 years, I’ve attended 14 weddings (friends & family). There are more to come. Yes, I know. I am a serial wedding attendee.
Which also means more tears are waiting for me.
2.
Honestly, I’m always happy when people add outfit colors and themes in their invites now. Makes things so much easier. Less of a headache.
But, oftentimes, attending weddings also means that you need to come to terms with the reality that there are older wedding clothes that you cannot recycle anymore.
For example, none of the clothes I got stitched for my brother’s wedding a few years back fit me anymore.
That is a fact I am not particularly fond of.
3.
I am so deeply envious of people who can dance freely. I’m always in awe during a baraat, or sangeeth, or whatever the event is - when I see my friends dance. It is a kind of freedom I don’t think I have experienced. Unrestrained, unburdened and dancing with such unbridled joy.
What a thing to witness during weddings. I am envious. But I’m also struck by the beauty of those who dance.
I think by the time I attend the next friend’s wedding, I need to learn a few steps to keep in my bank.
4.
I love that in most of the weddings I am at, all my other friends also show up. Despite our terribly hectic lives. We make time. We ought to. And we do, but I know it is not easy.
We went from hanging out everyday to meeting once a year.
I am always reminded of how rare this is now.
And, also, so glad I made it.
Because otherwise, when else could I have heard the laughter of my friends, or their voices, or see the shine in their eyes again, in one place. Every chance that exists to gather and congregate, I am going to snatch it.
We used to have a shared existence. Now we don’t anymore.
A friend’s wedding is at least one of those events that allow us to be part of a shared memory again.
5.
When I see my friends getting married, I am always thinking about the kind of journey they’ve had so far. To come to this point. Some moments during the wedding, when they are not stressed by the chaos of an Indian wedding, you can see the delight within them.
Radiating joy. Giddy with energy, and they are also content.
How can you not tear up seeing your friend feel so fulfilled?
The hope is that your friends continue to experience memories like these. That they continue to have moments of such fulfillment. That this married couple will live a happy story.
My friends don’t deserve anything less than that.
6.
I am also mourning the past.
We are growing older. The naivety of being in a hostel room, waking up with almost no responsibilities, and having common goals - none of those exist.
Our paths were once intertwined. With each passing year, those untangle.
My friends’ lives are moving ahead. A wedding is just one of the many things that they will celebrate. To be clear, I know we’ll be friends. We’ll care for each other. We will always be there for each other. We will experience things together again.
But I know it gets harder. There is an entire chapter and life ahead of them that I will never be privy to, the same way I was before.
Perhaps for 10 minutes during a wedding, I think about this. About the good old days. About the happiness I feel for my friends, but also the lament of growing older.
I am yearning for a past that does not exist anymore, and for a future that is not possible.
It is an ache that you live with.
7.
I love shaadi ka khaana.
Over the years, I’ve grown to appreciate wedding food even more. The food is obviously good. But the context of a wedding, also creates pockets of time where I’m sharing a meal together with people I care about. These sit at the table together with friends - type meals are getting infrequent.
So with plates full of good food. And a table filled with conversations and stories. What’s not to love.
P.S. I am not the biggest fan of Jain Food at weddings. You need some garlic to add flavour to life. Ironic coming from me. I said what I said.
8.
“When are you getting married next?”
This is a question I keep getting asked at every wedding.
You are 28. You are at the “age of settlement”. Your friends are getting married, so maybe you should as well. It is the right time. When you grow older, it will get tougher. Your family also would be happy due to this. You can fulfill their wishes. You must. You should. And what about ____, and ____, and _________ etc. etc. etc.
I think we can skip this question. Move on to a different conversation. I’ve heard all the variations.
Let’s talk about the weather instead. Or the food. Or the fact that my friend is getting married, and what a fun night we’re having. Or that family problem you have, which I heard about, but you don’t want to talk about.
9.
My friend asked me to quit my job if I was having problems making time to attend his wedding.
It is a valid request.
What do you think about when you’re attending a wedding? I’d love to know !
That’s it from me.
Take care,
Nirmal Bhansali
I love the kind of friendship you have that allows your friends to make such requests(quit job) with such ease !